Keri and the Guys
by StarWolfOrion
Summary: This is just a way of me expressing about the guys I like in Harry Potter. It's a JOKE! Funny though, I hope.
1. Harry and Sirius

*~Keri and six times the talk show~*  
  
A/n: This idea came to me suddenly while I was talking with some friends about who I loved in Harry Potter. There's six of them. *SMOOCH* Lmao, and I dunno, but I thought this was a humerous way to display the problems with liking six guys from Harry Potter. (By the way if you were looking for a serious fanfic, mine is called Harry Potter and the New War)  
  
Anywayz... lol... please review, I wanna know what people think and DONT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY PLEASE. Im just joking around. It's supposed to be a JOKE. Thank you and peace. LOL.   
  
D/C: By the way, the six male guys and any other Harry Potter character that may appear were MADE BY J.K Rowling! Her idea! The rest is my handiness. Blah ha. Oh and I kinda got the name from Jerry Springer. And J.K Rowling owns Hogwarts too.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~*****~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Spokesman: *A rather large woman walks out in front of an audience. She has platinum blonde hair and dark red lipstick on. Her eyes are a peircing brown and she's wearing a flowered shirt with matching slacks.* Ladies and gentleman, put your hands together for Sarry Jinnger!   
  
*Audience claps and Sarry puts a mic up to her mouth*  
  
Sarry Jinnger: Hello and welcome to another edition of the Sarry Jinnger Talk Show. My guest today is a young woman named Keri, with a big problem. She's come here to try and sort it out, and lets see if we can help her, shall we? Please welcome, Keri Lupin.  
  
*Audience claps again as Keri walks out on the stage and sits down on a chair*  
  
Sarry Jinnger: Welcome Keri, thank you for coming.  
  
Keri: Well thank you Sarry. I really just want to get this whole situation out in the open and off of my chest, so thank you for having me here today.  
  
Sarry Jinnger: Well dear, why don't you explain to us, what exactly the "situation" is then?  
  
Keri: Well... let's just start out with the first part. I've been engaged for a few months to my boyfriend, Harry Potter and well everything's been really great. The only problem is... I've been seeing another man...  
  
Sarry Jinnger: We are going to bring Harry out then, and you can finish telling him all about this, alright?   
  
*Keri nods as Harry walks out. He hugs and kisses Keri and sits down next her*  
  
Sarry Jinnger: How long have you known Keri, Harry?   
  
Harry: Ever since we were babies but I really just got to know her during our fifth and sixth year at Hogwarts.  
  
Sarry Jinnger: And how long have you been engaged?  
  
Harry: A few months.  
  
Sarry Jinnger: Well Keri has something important to tell you, so we'll just let you tell her.  
  
*Camera focuses on Keri and Harry. Keri takes Harry's hands into hers*  
  
Keri: Harry, we've been together for a long time, right?   
  
Harry: Yea, we have.  
  
Keri: Well I love you with all my heart, Harry I really do... but... I've been seeing another guy...   
  
Harry: What?!  
  
Keri: Oh Harry I'm really sorry...  
  
Harry: *manages to control himself* W-who?  
  
Keri:... *gulps* Your Godfather, Sirius Black.   
  
Harry: WHAT?!   
  
*The crowd makes loud noises, appalled and shocked.  
  
Sarry Jinnger: And Sirius is back stage right now, lets bring him out.  
  
*Sirius walks out amongst boos and kisses Keri*  
  
Harry: KERI WHY!? HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME?! TO US!  
  
Sirius: Easy, she loves me.   
  
Keri: Sirius please, you aren't making this any easier...  
  
Sirius: Well it's the truth....  
  
Harry: The hell it is!   
  
*Harry tries to go over to beat the crap out of Sirius but immediatly him and Sirius are in chairs, Keri between them*  
  
Sarry Jinnger: How long have you known Keri, Sirius?  
  
Sirius: Since she was born.  
  
Sarry Jinnger: So you've known her a long time as well  
  
Sirius: Yes I have and I love her.   
  
Sarry Jinnger: Regardless of the fact that she's engaged to your Godson and she's practicly twenty years younger then you are?  
  
Sirius: Age doesn't matter to me.  
  
Harry: Yea well you're a ******* *******! How could you Sirius?! I love Keri! How could you do this to me?!  
  
Sirius: Alls fair in love and war, Harry.   
  
Keri: *sighs* Are you sure about that Sirius.  
  
Sirius: Yes. Why? Are you going to tell me you're dropping me for him?!  
  
Keri: No Sirius but-  
  
Sirius: You only love him cause he's famous!  
  
Harry: That's not true, Black, and you know it!  
  
*The crowd starts chanting slut at Keri and Keri flips them all off*  
  
Sirius: Harry, sorry, but you're just not in the same league.  
  
Harry: Sirius you suck!  
  
Keri: Enough! I love you both! But... but there's more...  
  
Sirius and Harry: More...?  
  
Sirius: Keri what do you mean... more?  
  
Keri: I mean... Lucius Malfoy. 


	2. Harry, Sirius, and Lucius

~Keri and the Guys~  
  
A/n: Thanky to all for reviews, lol, Im glad you find it funny and people out there have a sence of humour!! And no, Stell, it's not THAT many guys, lol.  
  
D/C: By the way, the six male guys and any other Harry Potter character that may appear were MADE BY J.K Rowling! Her idea! The rest is my handiness. Blah ha. Oh and I kinda got the name from Jerry Springer. And J.K Rowling owns Hogwarts too.  
  
Chapter 2. Harry, Sirius, and Lucius  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*the crowd is dead silent. Harry looked as if he swallowed 10 bottles of skelegrow. Sirius was sputtering*  
  
Sirius: Lu-Lu-LUCIUS?!   
  
Keri: Yes...  
  
Sirius: He's my arch-nemesis, besides Voldemort! And... WHY KERI!?  
  
Sarry Jinnger: And lets bring out Lucius, shall we?  
  
*Lucius walks out and Sirius jumps at him as the crowd cheers and screams. Sirius and Lucius are magically pulled into chairs, Sirius and Harry on Keri's right side and Lucius on Keri's left*  
  
Lucius: Hello Keri *smirks*  
  
Keri: *sighs* Hello Lucius.  
  
Sirius and Harry: WHY?!  
  
Lucius: Because I'm deeaaaddd sexy. And she obviously wanted something she couldn't get out of either of you.  
  
Sirius: MALFOY YOU'RE DEAD!!  
  
Harry: NOT IF I KILL THE BOTH OF YOU FIRST!  
  
Keri: No one's killing anyone here!  
  
Lucius: Of course not. Because Keri will be leaving with me.  
  
Sarry Jinnger: Did you know about Sirius and Harry, Lucius?  
  
Lucius: Yes and I have been trying to persuade Keri to drop them for some time now.  
  
Harry: WHAT?!  
  
Sirius: She'd better drop you!  
  
Lucius: Fat chance Black. She loves me.  
  
Harry: NO SHE DOESNT! I BET YOU USED A SPELL ON HER!  
  
Sirius: Besides, she loves ME!  
  
Harry: No she doesn't!! DAMN YOU SIRIUS! SHE LOVES ME!  
  
Keri: SHUT UP! I love you all!  
  
Sirius, Lucius, and Harry: YOU CANT!!  
  
Keri: Why not?  
  
Sirius: Because it's MALFOY!  
  
Lucius: It's ...Potter!  
  
Harry: And Black is my Godfather, DAMNIT!  
  
Keri: Yea well Draco's Lucius's son, and I don't think it makes a difference.  
  
Sirius, Lucius, Harry: WHAT?!  
  
Lucius: What has my SON got to do with this...  
  
Keri: Uh well.... 


	3. Harry, Sirius, Lucius, and Draco

~Keri and the Guys~  
  
A/n: Thanky to all for reviews, lol, Im glad you find it funny and people out there have a sence of humour!! And be on the look out for 'Alex and Her Guys', another Sarry Jinger...  
  
D/C: By the way, the six male guys and any other Harry Potter character that may appear were MADE BY J.K Rowling! Her idea! The rest is my handiness. Blah ha. Oh and I kinda got the name from Jerry Springer. And J.K Rowling owns Hogwarts too. Er.. well my friend Alex owns herself, and Chrys owns herself... they might appear... Scratch that, they WILL appear... AHHH!!! *runs for cover*  
  
Chapter 3. Harry, Sirius, Lucius, and Draco.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
*The camera focuses on Draco then, who swaggers out, looking (SEXY!) pleased with himself. No one moves as he walks over to Keri and smiles, sitting down next to her on her left*  
  
Draco: Hello, Keri.  
  
Keri: Hi Draco.  
  
Lucius: WHAT THE MEANING OF THIS?!  
  
Sirius: Keri... that's just wrong....  
  
Harry: WHY?!  
  
Draco: Well I can explain this one. Potter's too ... *rolls eyes* Potterish. Black is too... old. My father wears hair ribbons, and I am just better then all of you. *grins evily*  
  
Lucius: I DO NOT WEAR HAIR RIBBONS!  
  
Sirius: YES YOU DO, MALFOY! YOU HAIR-RIBBONED FREAK!  
  
Keri: Hey, Sirius, I like his hair ribbons! Just as much, for that fact, as your boxers with the doggy bones on them!  
  
Harry, Lucius, Draco: *stare at Sirius, with a weird look on their faces*  
  
Sirius: Keri! You're not supposed to say anything about those!  
  
Draco: *sniggers*   
  
Keri: Draco I wouldn't laugh because I also like your teddy bear Mr. Noodle, just as much as Sirius's doggy bone boxers and Lucius's hair ribbons!  
  
Sirius: ....Mr. Noodle....?!  
  
Lucius: *disgustedly* TEDDY BEAR?!  
  
Harry: *falls over laughing hysterically*  
  
Keri: Harry, I wouldn't even talk because I-  
  
Harry: *jumps up and puts his hand over her mouth* YOU WOULDN'T DARE!  
  
Keri: *pulls his hand away* Then stop laughing!  
  
Harry: *sits down and is clearly trying hard to keep a straight face*  
  
Sarry Jinger: So, Draco, may I take this opportunity and ask you about your relationship with Keri?  
  
Harry: *says suddenly* Yea especially since you're ENGAGED TO ONE OF HER BEST FRIENDS!  
  
*the crowd gasps in shock*  
  
Draco: I never said I had a relationship with Keri.  
  
Sirus: Then why are you here, and why does she know about Mr. Noodle?  
  
Harry: Wait a minute... KERI YOU'VE SEEN SIRIUS'S BOXERS!?  
  
Sarry Jinger: So is it true, Mr. Draco Malfoy that you are also engaged?  
  
Draco: Yes.  
  
Sarry Jinger: Yet you are seeing Keri?  
  
Draco: It depends on what your defenition of "seeing" is. I mean, I 'SEE' a lot of her when-  
  
Lucius and Sirius: *try to jump up and beat up Draco but they are magically zapped into their seats*  
  
Harry: You've SEEN HIS MR. NOODLE?!  
  
Keri: Jeez-us... look why can't we all get along?  
  
Harry: You're seeing MY GODFATHER!  
  
Sirius: YOU'RE SEEING MY ARCH-ENEMY!  
  
Lucius: YOU'VE SEEN... MY SON!  
  
Draco: *shrugs* I just don't like any of them.  
  
Sarry Jinger: Well I've just gotten word from back stage that a Chrystal... is here. Chrystal is engaged to Draco, I believe?  
  
Draco: *turns a bit white but his expression doesn't change*  
  
Keri: ...Yes...  
  
Sarry Jinger: Well let's bring her out, shall we?  
  
*Chrystal comes out, but unlike any of the guys, she reaches Keri and starts beating the holy crap out of her. Keri, fights back*   
  
*the crowd cheers and some ...perv-...person shouts 'TAKE IT OFF!'*  
  
*Keri and Chrystal are finally seperated, Keri in her regular seat, Chrystal in between Lucius and Draco*  
  
Chrystal: KERI YOU BIT**! HOW COULD YOU!?! YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND! HOW COULD YOU!?  
  
Keri: Chrystal, he came on to me!  
  
Harry, Sirius, Lucius, Chrystal: SO!?  
  
Keri: He asked for it....  
  
Draco: Asked for what now? I ask for a lot of things....  
  
Chrystal: YOU PUT A SPELL ON HIM! SEE?! HE DOESNT EVEN REMEMBER!  
  
Keri: Yea right...  
  
Draco: Yea! She's right! I don't remember...  
  
Sarry Jinger: Well in that case, I believe we have two more men to be added to this mess?  
  
Harry: TWO!?  
  
Sirius: They better be kids. I can understand kids. But if there are ANY MORE ADULTS KERI I SWEAR I'LL  
  
Lucius: THERE SHOULD BE NO ONE ELSE! KERI IS MINE!  
  
Harry: WHAT PLANET ARE YOU ON! WE'RE ENGAGED!  
  
Chrystal: YOU'RE ALL WRONG BECAUSE I'M GOING TO KILL HER!  
  
Keri:... Can't we just... get along?  
  
Sarry Jinger: And Keri, who is the fifth person?  
  
Keri: *closes her eyes tightly and winces* Ron. Ron Weasly. 


	4. Harry, Sirius, Lucius, Draco, and Ron

~Keri and the Guys~  
  
A/n: Thanky to all for reviews, lol, Im glad you find it funny and people out there have a sence of humour!! And be on the look out for 'Alex and Her Guys', another Sarry Jinger...  
  
D/C: By the way, the six male guys and any other Harry Potter character that may appear were MADE BY J.K Rowling! Her idea! The rest is my handiness. Blah ha. Oh and I kinda got the name from Jerry Springer. And J.K Rowling owns Hogwarts too. Er.. well my friend Alex owns herself, and Chrys owns herself... they might appear... Scratch that, they WILL appear... AHHH!!! *runs for cover*  
  
Chapter 3. Harry, Sirius, Lucius, Draco, and Ron.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Ron: *walks out and looks scared at all of the guys*  
  
Harry: MY BEST FRIEND! KERI MY BEST FRIEND?!?!  
  
Keri: That's it Harry! One more word and I will tell them about-  
  
Harry: BUT HE'S MY BEST FRIEND!  
  
Keri: WELL I LOVE BINKIKINS, THE BABY BLANKET YOU ALWAYS SLEEP WITH!  
  
Sirius:... Binkikins?  
  
Lucius: Baby blanket?  
  
Draco: *is purple from not breathing because he is laughing so hard*  
  
Ron: Dude, Harry, she knows about that!?  
  
Keri: Yea and I also know about your Fuzzy-lumpkins!  
  
Draco: FUZZY-LUMPKINS?!  
  
Ron: Keri SHUT UP!  
  
Keri: Yea, Fuzzy-Lumpkins is what he calls his-  
  
Ron: KERY SHUT UP! SHUT UP!  
  
Chrystal: Woah that sounds incredibly wrong.  
  
Keri: Shut up, I bet you don't even know about Draco's Mr. Noodle!  
  
Chrystal: Mr. Noodle?  
  
Sarry Jinger: Excuse me! I believe this is MY SHOW so SIT DOWN ALL OF YOU AND LET ME TALK!  
  
*everyone sits, Ron in between Draco and Keri*  
  
Sarry Jinger: Now then, I believe Ron is also involved with you Keri?  
  
Keri: Well see... the funny thing is... er... he's also seeing one of my other best friends...  
  
Sirius: Oh hahaha.  
  
Sarry Jinger: And she would be?  
  
Keri: Alex....  
  
Sirius: *looks over at Ron* ALEX?!  
  
Ron: Er... I really feel horrible... I shouldn't have...  
  
Keri: Oh Ron, it's no biggie, Alex will understand.  
  
Alex: *appears* UNDERSTAND?! UNDERSTAND THIS!! *punchs Keri and she and Keri are fighting*  
  
*the crowd cheers and the same perv-...person says 'TAKE IT OFF!'*  
  
Keri: *gets up* THATS IT! WHO KEEPS SAYING THAT!   
  
Sirius: *raises his hand* It was me.  
  
Keri: *throws her hands up* I'm surrounded. *sits down in her seat   
  
Alex: *sits down between Harry and Sirius*  
  
Sarry Jinger: Alex, Chrystal, do you two think that what Keri has done will ruin your friendships?  
  
Alex: Okay is she on something or does she think we LIKE Keri stealing our guys?  
  
Chrystal: Honestly! I mean, Draco and I are ENGAGED!  
  
Keri: First of all, I can't help it if Draco's been playing Chrystal from the start, and secondly, I can't help it if I love alot of guys.  
  
Harry: Can you help it if you hurt us?  
  
Keri: Harry...  
  
Chrystal: Look, she's just a slut! And she's lieing! Draco has never played me!  
  
Keri: Right....  
  
Chrystal: *jumps up but Draco pulls her back into his lap*  
  
Keri: OH boy....  
  
Alex: Well both Ron and Keri are in huge trouble concerning me! I am not so naive to think Ron didn't do anything wrong!  
  
Keri: Well actually.... he really didn't... someone kinda put a spell on me, and I kinda put a spell on him...  
  
Alex: *looks at Ron*  
  
Ron: Yea well... the spell kinda wore off....  
  
Alex: WHAT?!  
  
Keri: Oh hey, that's nice to know... *frowns a little*  
  
Ron: I er.. ehm...  
  
Sarry Jinger: So are we all ready for the sixth and final person?  
  
Harry: Let's hurry up so I can go home and kill myself.  
  
Alex: HARRY JAMES POTTER!  
  
Sirius: Yes, and me and Keri can--  
  
Lucius: She's leaving with me!  
  
Sirius: The hell she is!  
  
Keri: Or I could leave with Bill...  
  
Harry, Sirius, Lucius, Draco, Ron, Chrystal, Alex: BILL?  
  
Keri: Er... Weasly? 


	5. Harry, Sirius, Lucius, Draco, Ron, and B...

~Keri and the Guys~  
  
A/n: Thanky to all for reviews, lol, Im glad you find it funny and people out there have a sence of humour!! And be on the look out for 'Alex and Her Guys', another Sarry Jinger...  
  
D/C: By the way, the six male guys and any other Harry Potter character that may appear were MADE BY J.K Rowling! Her idea! The rest is my handiness. Blah ha. Oh and I kinda got the name from Jerry Springer. And J.K Rowling owns Hogwarts too. Er.. well my friend Alex owns herself, and Chrys owns herself... they might appear... Scratch that, they WILL appear... AHHH!!! *runs for cover* er... a tiny wittle LOTR too... yea  
  
Chapter 5. Harry, Sirius, Lucius, Draco, Ron, and Bill.  
  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
  
Alex: Whew, I thought you meant Bill the Pony.  
  
Keri: Yes, Alex, I love a pony.  
  
Draco: Well that would explain a lot.  
  
Keri: Shut up Malfoy.  
  
Sarry Jinger: *getting somewhat aggravated* Well Bill's here, and he's coming out.  
  
Ron: MY OLDER BROTHER BILL?!  
  
Alex: No, Bill the pony! Now shut up Ron!  
  
*Bill comes out, looking incredibly sexy and badass-ish*  
  
Keri: Hey Bill.  
  
Bill: *nods* Hey Keri.  
  
Sirius: Keri. He's not... a kid.  
  
Lucius: He's a Weasly!  
  
Keri: Er... right. And you need to be quiet, the both of you or more embarrassing stories shall be revealed.  
  
Alex: *grinning evily suddenly* Oh no, Keri, the only embarrassing stories that are going to be revealed are about you!  
  
Keri: What? I have no embarrassing stories....  
  
Chrystal: *sits up* Oh yes you do...  
  
Keri: Shut up!  
  
Alex: Oh I don't think I will. I know one particular time in Snape's class-  
  
Keri: *puts her hands up to her ears* NOT LISTENING! NOT LISTENING!  
  
Alex: Ron, Sirius, hold her hands down.  
  
Sirius:...Why should I?!  
  
Alex: NOW!!  
  
*The camera focuses on Sirius and Ron who hold Keri's arms down*  
  
Keri: NO! STOP!  
  
Chrystal: You're getting some of what you deserve! After stealing our guys!!  
  
Keri: Hey I didn't STEAL THEM!   
  
*everyone looks at her at this comment*  
  
Keri: Er... I just borrowed them....?  
  
Alex: *grins* The first time, is in Snape's class. Do you guys remember that?  
  
Ron:... Oh yea, the same day Harry had missed Potions... and we were making an enlarging potion and Keri spilled it all down her front?  
  
Alex: That's exactly what I remember.  
  
Keri: I did not!  
  
Chrystal: Oh yes, there are even pictures from that, isn't there?  
  
Alex: *grins* Yes. And it's like it got on her shirt other wise the other part that was enlarging might have burst it.  
  
Keri: Shut up!  
  
*The crowd makes an 'ooooh' sound*  
  
Alex: I believe you ran out of potions and could barely fit through the door... Snape's face was redder then the Weasly's hair.  
  
*Sirius's eyes grow big as he realizes where EXACTLY Keri spill the potion*  
  
Lucius:... That happened in Snape's class?!   
  
Keri: *puts her arms around herself, as if remembering something painful*  
  
Chrystal: Oh yes. Just like the other time Keri kept asking someone to do-  
  
Keri: SHUT UP! YOU CURSED ME SO THAT WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD SAY!  
  
Chrystal: No I didn't... I believe ooh it was sixth year, and you kept asking if someone would do you a favor and you wouldn't shut up, so when you started to get loud, I just cursed off the last part of the sentence...  
  
Ron: *laughs* And Snape thought she was asking someone to do-  
  
Keri: NOTHING! SHUT UP!  
  
Ron: Her. *laughs even more*  
  
Alex: *looks around* Well you certainly got what you wanted.  
  
Keri: THIS IS FUNNY! IM GONNA BLOW ALL OF YOU TO SMITHERENES!  
  
Sarry Jinger: Now, really, is this necessary?  
  
Harry:... *is red in the face but does not answer*  
  
Bill: Hey, Keri's cool. She had a few accidents but they are not too embarrassing.  
  
Sarry Jinger: So you are not mad at her Bill?  
  
Bill: Well... I can't be because....  
  
Sarry Jinger: Yes?  
  
Ron: AND THERE WAS THAT ONE TIME IN CHARMS! She was supposed to be charming her clothes to light up and make a little song whenever you moved and instead she charmed all of outer clothes off.  
  
Lucius: She was naked!?  
  
Sirius: IN FLITWICKS CLASS?!  
  
Chrystal: Ew no!   
  
Keri: I was not naked!  
  
Ron: You were standing in a bra and underwear, Keri. I think that qualifies as really close to naked.  
  
Alex: Oh but don't forget the time she fell backwards down the main stairs on her butt and she couldn't walk right for about two weeks.  
  
Draco: Or the time she passed the Slytherin Table and she fell flat on her face making her skirt go-  
  
Lucius: DRACO SHUT YOUR MOUTH!  
  
Sarry Jinger: I don't think I've heard anything out of Harry or Sirius...  
  
Sirius:... Keri's leaving with me.  
  
Harry: NO SHE ISNT! I LOVE KERI! AND SHE MADE... A FEW MISTAKES BUT I LOVE HER!  
  
Sirius: NO! ME!!!  
  
Lucius: You're all wrong! SHE IS COMING WITH ME!  
  
Alex: Well Ron, Bill, and Sirius are coming with me!  
  
Keri: WHAT?!  
  
Alex: Ah... I mean... Ron and....  
  
Keri: WHY YOU LITTLE- *jumps up and attacks Alex, sending everyone into fighting*  
  
Sarry Jinger: *keeps trying to say something but the fighting is brought her way and she and the camera get knocked over. Her face is gone for a moment, but then it appears,upside down* WELL-- YOU CAN JOIN US-- NEXT WEEK-- FOR ANOTHER EDITION OF-- THE SARRY JINGER SHOW!!  
  
*The crowd jumps up, some rooting for others and the show ends with everyone fighting* 


End file.
